….. I still remember this trip vividly.
All my life I had wanted to have a daring, bold adventure in a far-off land and, at age 67, I realized that if I didn't go "now" I would never go. As my first entry indicated, I was at first very excited at the prospect of realizing my life-long dream; however, as the dream began to become a reality, fear set in.
It got to the point that I told myself that, if necessary, I would turn around at the airport in Kathmandu and catch the next flight home — but that there was nothing that was going to stop me from going in the first place.
But once I arrived in Nepal everything changed. Despite the hardship, everything that I had previously feared became a source of adventure and grist for wonderful memories and stories.
I endured so much physically on this trip. The treks were extremely strenuous; the squalid conditions and poverty were so difficult to see; the terrible air pollution and over-the-top crazy driving was almost overwhelming at times; the grungy hotel rooms, uncomfortable beds, monotonous food, the toilets — every day was a challenge. And yet I endured.
But I more than endured. Because I dealt with sickness in Nepal (as well as spending six hours upon return in a Moline emergency room to alleviate my intestinal problems), one might say I didn't do so well physically; however, those illnesses passed and I most definitely thrived in every other possible way.
I realize I'm not the only person on the planet who experiences anxiety, and I think that, to a great degree, most human beings do not like change — they do not like leaving their comfort zone. Perhaps the desire for comfort is our strongest motivating force. I like my comfort as much as anyone else; however, for me, there is nothing like facing a new horizon and going solo into the unknown. I am often in the push-pull of these two conflicting desires.
It's true that many things in life provide us with calculated risks and that in Nepal the risks are higher in many instances. From my posts it's obvious that I often felt trepidation; however, during times of very trying circumstances my emotion was, for the most part, excitement tempered with a quiet confidence in that which had called me there in the first place. There were some risks involved in my going to Nepal; however, I looked at them as part of the adventure. A very important element for me was not letting my mind get carried away with fear (as it had done for weeks prior to the trip). Yes, there was the one terrifying night in Nagarkot; however, that night aside, I really felt no inordinate fear in Nepal.
That being said, fear and anxiety have been my lifelong companions and seem to be part of the bedrock of myself. But the thrill of adventure is a saving grace for me. And saying "yes" to Nepal and carrying through with it opened the door to tremendous freedom for me — freedom from the tyranny of the fears of my own mind. And time after time in Nepal I felt elation at my liberation. During events that ordinarily would have caused me no end of worry I could simply step back and observe myself and wonder at my own calm. There were times when fear arose and I looked at it squarely and then it dissipated into nothingness.
For what was shown to me time after time was that when I opened myself up and said "yes" to the Universe, then the Universe would respond and provide me with all that I needed and more.
For me, it is the call of adventure that awakens me, inspires me, excites me. Adventure seems to be my own gentle nudge from the Universe, calling me to be more of what I truly am. The happiness and fulfillment I felt surpassed anything I had ever expected. The joy was present in even those moments that presented me with a lot of unknowns. But, in going to Nepal, I had said "yes" and had leaped into one of the greatest unknowns of my life. It was one of the best things I had ever done, making me feel whole and complete and so happy.
